A Touch Too Long

Dear No More,
I hope you missed the newsstands last week and didn?t see the cover of Time featuring a young mother with an almost 4-year-old latched to her breast. That picture would have given you some traumatic flashbacks. I?m not insinuating that women who breast-feed their children past toddlerhood are doing something wrong. It?s your description of the postweaning, clearly sexual breast fondling that is alarming. Your mother sounds like a sexual predator disguising herself as the ultimate attachment parent. Because there are so many more male molesters, it?s easier for sick women to get away with it. Being an earth mother is the perfect ruse that allows your mother to use her own children to gratify her disturbed impulses. It?s awful to look back on your childhood with shame, but it?s a good thing that you feel revulsion for what happened to you. It shows you are able to distinguish appropriate boundaries, see how you were manipulated, and mourn for your childhood. You don?t mention a father (or fathers), so I?ll assume he is not in the picture to provide help. As painful as it is to contemplate turning your mother in to the authorities, for the sake of your sister, that?s what?s you should do. But it would be best if you had some adult support in taking that step, which will be a life-changer for everyone in your family, perhaps in the most positive way if you mother gets some help. You could go directly to Child Protective Services, but as an interim step consider making an appointment to talk to your sister?s pediatrician, who perhaps is still your doctor, too. You might be more comfortable talking first to a professional who is familiar with your family. The pediatrician will be a mandated reporter, which means she or he will be required to forward any suspicion of abuse. You should continue your healing with a therapist who specializes in sexual mistreatment. This should help you feel comfortable with the normal sexual impulses your mother cruelly exploited.

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